You Know You're a Local When...

A few of us”regulars” were sitting in our normal area at the bar, conversing amongst ourselves, when we noticed a couple looking for seats together. We all moved “one to the left” to make room for them.

The woman sat down to my right, and instead of saying “Thanks for making space for us,” she blurted “So, you all on vacation?”

“No, we live here.” I replied.

“Well, we're locals,” she bragged. “We're not on vacation. We live here.”

My friend on my left chuckled, snarking “Yeah, that's why none of us have ever seen them before. They're old-timers.”

“Locals?” I queried.

“Yes,” the woman replied. “We're locals. We moved here last week.”

“Well, you're not locals yet, then, “ I joked. “You're still transplants for at least the first six-months.”

At that point, the man started coughing and waving his hand in the air, complaining about the smoky atmosphere. “He doesn't smoke, the woman explained. “I do.”

“That's one way we can tell you're still 'transplants'”, my friend commented.”Locals know not to sit in this corner of this bar if they don't like smoke.”

After the couple moved, our conversation turned to how to know when you're out of that “transplant” phase, and are truly a “local”. Here's some of the ways we came up with to know you've made the cross-over:

You know you're a local when...

• Your name and/or picture appears in the local paper.

• (You really know you're a local when your name appears in an entry in the Police Blotter, instead of just a vague description of the misdemeanor, or when you get a full page article, accompanied by a “flattering” mug shot.)

• You're approached by someone at the Publix. They know your first name, your last name, and in which neighborhood you live. You have no idea whatsoever of who that person is.

• You do, however, recognize your neighbors who are employed at the Publix. You can't even run in-and-out without stopping to chat with at least 3 people.

• Then, when you get to the checkout counter, you chat with the cashier concerning the number of clueless shoppers you encountered in the store, and wonder if they leave carts in the middle of the aisle when they're home in Ontario or Michigan.

• Several people owe you money. They'll buy you a drink, but it will be a long while before they consider actually paying you back.

• You curse the Bridge Tender as you approach, and see the gates going down, because according to your watch, you still have a full three and a half minutes before a scheduled bridge opening.

• It's the first time you've left the Island in a couple of weeks.

• Your idea of “going out of town” is a trip to Tampa.

• You know at least three of the local cops by name.

• You leave your house unlocked when you go to the beach.

• Your idea of crime is the loud renters in the unit behind you.

• You're glad you know those police when you call in your noise complaint at exactly 10:01 pm.

• You're riding a bicycle for the first time in too many years to mention.

• You're glad you know those policeman when that bike gets stolen. You know you can leave your house unlocked, but not your bike.

• You no longer think “The Sandbar” and “The Beachhouse” are the best places to eat on the island.

• Yet, when an obnoxious out-of-towner asks for restaurant advice, you send them to the Sandbar, hoping you won't run into them at your favorite eatery.

• You drag the old Down Parka out of mothballs the first day the temperature drops below 50 degrees.

• You see your beach buddy at the Publix, and you don't recognize him because he's wearing clothing.

• You get asked directions to the beach for the umpteenth time, and you just sigh and point toward the West.

• You no longer go to Manatee Public Beach unless it's to eat, and you only go to Coquina when you want to shop.

• The first thing you do when they're predicting a storm is to hit the liquor store before the stocks run low; the second thing is to check the battery in the cell and portable TV. You only stop at the Publix (for food) as an afterthought.

• You know which convenience stores have generators and are brewing coffee when no one else has power.

• You now own more bathing suits than business suits, and you've started wearing flip flops to work.

• Your income has decreased by 50%, but your quality of life has doubled.

What have I missed? Please leave your comments below.